Quiz: How (Hometown) are you?
1. Do you remember when that store used to be where the
other store is?
A. Totally!
B. I think you're remembering it wrong.
C. Wasn't it a Domino's after that?
D. No.
2. How about that time the football team made it to the semifinal?
A. That was a great game! I can see that last-ditch run like it was yesterday!
B. Jessica Feinstein let me feel her up under the bleachers in the third quarter.
C. I thought for sure we had State in the bag that year. Good thing it just warmed me up for a lifetime of circling the fucking drain.
D. I'm afraid not.
3. How about the candy you used to buy from that corner store?
A. I haven't thought about that in years! They sure don't make 'em like they used to.
B. I remember when we thought .70 cents for a candy bar was highway robbery!
C. Where did the years go? What the hell happened to me?
D. I don't remember that, either.
4. Oh, man! That theater and/or coffee shop downtown!
A. They had the freshest popcorn/strongest coffee. I'll never forget!
B. Jessica Middleton let me feel her up in the next-to-back row during a showing of "The Notebook."
C. Sure, and it's gone with everything else that made this town great. Everything else that used to matter in this damn country.
D. Nope! Not ringing a bell!
5. Hey, you remember that guy who used to hang out down by Main and MLK?
A. Oh, man, yeah! Wonder what happened to him?
B. I'm pretty sure he was on drugs. He tried to buy my sister one time.
C. It's the immigrants! They ruin everything. Every fucking thing! I'd still have a job right now!
D. Shucks. I sure don't!
MOSTLY A:
Ha, ha! You're a hometown boy/girl, through and through!
MOSTLY B:
I think you could use an attitude adjustment. Maybe if you'd grown up here instead of moving in for Junior High, you'd appreciate how much this place has to offer.
MOSTLY C:
It's these LIBERALS! Coming in with their healthcares and their pinko immigrants. Best to load up on guns and hunker down.
MOSTLY D:
Get the FUCK out. Just because you don't have a hometown doesn't mean you can just up and claim ours.
A. Totally!
B. I think you're remembering it wrong.
C. Wasn't it a Domino's after that?
D. No.
2. How about that time the football team made it to the semifinal?
A. That was a great game! I can see that last-ditch run like it was yesterday!
B. Jessica Feinstein let me feel her up under the bleachers in the third quarter.
C. I thought for sure we had State in the bag that year. Good thing it just warmed me up for a lifetime of circling the fucking drain.
D. I'm afraid not.
3. How about the candy you used to buy from that corner store?
A. I haven't thought about that in years! They sure don't make 'em like they used to.
B. I remember when we thought .70 cents for a candy bar was highway robbery!
C. Where did the years go? What the hell happened to me?
D. I don't remember that, either.
4. Oh, man! That theater and/or coffee shop downtown!
A. They had the freshest popcorn/strongest coffee. I'll never forget!
B. Jessica Middleton let me feel her up in the next-to-back row during a showing of "The Notebook."
C. Sure, and it's gone with everything else that made this town great. Everything else that used to matter in this damn country.
D. Nope! Not ringing a bell!
5. Hey, you remember that guy who used to hang out down by Main and MLK?
A. Oh, man, yeah! Wonder what happened to him?
B. I'm pretty sure he was on drugs. He tried to buy my sister one time.
C. It's the immigrants! They ruin everything. Every fucking thing! I'd still have a job right now!
D. Shucks. I sure don't!
MOSTLY A:
Ha, ha! You're a hometown boy/girl, through and through!
MOSTLY B:
I think you could use an attitude adjustment. Maybe if you'd grown up here instead of moving in for Junior High, you'd appreciate how much this place has to offer.
MOSTLY C:
It's these LIBERALS! Coming in with their healthcares and their pinko immigrants. Best to load up on guns and hunker down.
MOSTLY D:
Get the FUCK out. Just because you don't have a hometown doesn't mean you can just up and claim ours.
